There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will pee on everything he values.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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