I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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