Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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