well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize