I take back everything I said about communal showers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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