My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
