He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
