We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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