Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
