turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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