Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
