If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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