I hate all girls vehemently.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
