I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
