So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Couch. On fire.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
