I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
