Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
