so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They have beer where we have blood.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
