Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
