the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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