no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
