singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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