I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
