ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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