so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
