I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
