My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
