Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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