i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
