the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
