you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
