Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
