why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
