I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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