I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
