Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How does one acquire holy water?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize