She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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