There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
