We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
