Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
