Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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