it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
