that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
