You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
