Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
