okay pat passed out under dana's car
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
