I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
