I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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