Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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