His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Duck Duck Cougar?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
