And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
