you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
