I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Bring me that man meat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
