you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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