Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
