p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
