his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize