Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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