if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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